


it's enough

by lovingjongin



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, XiuChen - Freeform, ily jongdae, minseok is very stupid, slight!kyungsooandminseok, we all need it, xiuchen angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:41:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22544944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovingjongin/pseuds/lovingjongin
Summary: minseok gets informed about  the engagement situation.jongdae is v v straight. a little bit straight??kyungsoo's very lonely.
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Minseok | Xiumin, Kim Jongdae | Chen/Kim Minseok | Xiumin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	it's enough

**Author's Note:**

> HEY i love jongdae so much and very happy for him !! my baby :33 
> 
> as a xiuchen shipper, I must give justice to myself
> 
> it is what i deserve
> 
> for me to move on and continue supporting jd bc honestly he deserves all the love
> 
> i hope no one gets offended by this
> 
> as a xiuchen shipper, I HAD TO
> 
> Or else I'll cry
> 
> Jk
> 
> Enjoy??
> 
> This is not revised so good luck English isn't my first language

with glossy lips and shining eyes, minseok seemed to never have the answer as to why certain things are happening. as to why baekhyun would suddenly creep up to him in the shower or why sehun would randomly face time him while the latter was in the toilet, making sure to screenshot the two of them in the frame, awkward beige tiles in sehun's background and will hang the call after calling minseok a cutie patootie.

however, when kyungsoo and him were enjoying the meal they have prepared to match the intensity of the alcohol that they'll drink at their younger—older set-up hangout, words that kyungsoo told him seem to click. 

kyungsoo was portrayed to have a stoic and distant behavior on screen but whenever they are sitting in front of each other, a fair amount of cans of alcholic beverages creating a circle outside the both of them, the man expresses his feelings too much— too much. he'll randomly blurt about how curious he is on what his dogs think of him to describing what jongin's pores look like at a microscopic scope, to which minseok already knew about.

but there's something very different at tonight. sure, they are sitting in front of each other, but the way kyungsoo stares at him is definitely worth worrying about.

"it's okay, hyung," he said seriously, eyebrows knitted and lips pursed. minseok can't help but raise an eyebrow, whilst pouring himself a shot.

"what's okay, exactly?" he said, genuinely worried for his precious younger band mate. it's usual for kyungsoo to blurt nonsense whenever he's drunk, but it's 7 pm and he hasn't had a single drop of cheap rice wine yet. 

"there's something I know, that you don't. and that's okay, hyung," he said, voice dripping with concern. "you're not exactly straight, as i am, and guess what, that's okay, hyung," he continues, giving minseok more, 'that's-so-kyungsoo-and-at-the-same-time-not,' vibes.

he stayed silent, waiting to hear more about his very wise friend's words. "it's only you who knows that i use my astigmatism as an excuse to stare at jongin," he reaches minseok's hand, patting it gently. "and i respect and give gratitude to you for keeping it,"

"i thank you for always giving me your own opinions whenever i remember how i'm kyungsoo and she's jennie and she's a whole ten while i'm a shivering, barely three—"

"i still don't understand how you assumed my sexuality, kyungsoo," minseok softly intervenes, shoving a shot in front of kyungsoo to distract the clearly sweating male.

"well, i just suddenly thought that, suppose, it's my turn to give you advise," 

kyungsoo refers to korean pop idols as pasta noodles, pertaining to himself as the curled ones they use in macaroni dishes because it reminds him of his ass, and pertains minseok as a standard long spaghetti noodle that softens when met with a very attractive threat. he has received far too many inkigayo sandwiches that contains too many contact numbers that somehow likes minseok that much that they trust him with all of his life.

to conclude unclear things — yeah so not everyone is straight. 

kyungsoo stares at him for a few more minutes, clearing his throat. "i heard of the news, we had a meeting about it and i get why the president didn't alert you any of the shit that's happening right now," he mumbled, playing with his fingers.

minseok nodded, they did have a meeting without him, slightly uncaring because it's probably how sooman's urging them to— probably— probably agree on endorsing weird shit again, like that chicken commercial.

but probably not.

"yeah? what's happening?" deep inside, it kinda stung how the president didn't call him for a meeting. he understands that the president might want to give him his sweet, sweet time since he's preparing for the e-word. the dredged e-word. 

you know what that word is.

but still, he's still exo. you don't look at minseok and say, hey! he's that — idontknow— guy who cosplays the three chipmunks— NO. they look at him and says, hey! that's exo!

yeah, he's exo. they're exo.

"jongdae's kinda.. close to proposing to minji, and the president kinda avoided telling you because everyone knows how—"

"ah shit, I'm inlove with jongdae, aren't I?"

"precisely,"

minseok stared at the sizzling plate of chanyeol's recipe of tteokbokki. "and only jongdae doesn't know that," he bit his lip.

sure, the president is an asshole but he respected everyone's sexuality, hidden or not, but he's still kind of an asshole because as long as you can hide your relationship, he doesn't give any shit about it. it's only one of the limited advantage you have at sm entertainment.

"yeah.." kyungsoo mumbled. minseok's stomach churned in discomfort. 

so his little baby finally had the guts to propose? he's proud. super. but the fact that he's not the one being proposed to— well, kinda sucks.

jongdae's a private person, he had numerous girlfriends before, and every time that it doesn't work, he sleeps in minseok's bed, cuddling minseok's stuffed toys and ranting his heart out to minseok.

in jongdae's eyes, minseok is the best friend— the. best friend he could ever have and he's very thankful every single day. 

he loves hearing minseok's thoughts because minseok is usually well reserved and proper.

but in minseok's eyes, jongdae is his treasure, well— his rose, his 'the little prince' level kind of rose. he's thankful for every single day he gets to see jongdae smile and hear his laughter.

"i don't have the right to mingle though. yes i have an opinion, but does it really matter? jongdae is the straightest male my eyes has ever laid on. he's so kind that he'll probably accept anyone's marriage proposal but since he's planning to propose— what i just said was just plain irrelevant," 

"but what are you going to do with your feelings? your unsaid feelings by the way," minseok snickered at his own pathetic situation, cherishing the bitter taste in his tongue, signifying that he's still somehow alive despite feeling his own heart get ripped apart repeatedly in his chest.

he doesn't let it show. "i'll tell him once i enlist, okay? give me a little more time," he said, genuinely. he has nothing to los— kidding, his friendship with his own beloved is at stake but it'll probably be better that way, for him to eventually forget his own feelings for the only man he laid his eyes on.

kyungsoo hiccups, already feeling the dreaded hangover he'll have tomorrow, but that's not important for now.

he stood up, inching closer towards minseok. "i mean hyung, we could, you know.."

minseok closes his eyes as a pair of lips plant themselves on his neck, hands wandering his chest as the latter clumsily placed himself on his lap.

he pushed him away, frowning. "no kyungsoo, we are not hooking up,"

kyungsoo frowns, looking down at his hands, fiddling them. "i just want to help you. to help each other out," he pouted.

"two lonely souls together won't make them complete, it has to have a reason," he nagged, kyungsoo's breath reek of rice wine, lips plush and moist, eyes shiny with threatening tears.

kyungsoo sighs. "i suppose so," instead of standing up, he laid his head on minseok's shoulder and encircled his arms on his waist, with minseok eventually wrapping his arms around him and patting his back gently.

"we can't always have what we want,"

"i know," he mumbles, sniffing, rubbing his face on minseok's neck.

it might not seem much, but the deafening silence between them seems to answer the lingering question that never left his mind ever since he laid his eyes on the most beautiful being on his eyes.

———

ah, there he is, standing before him, clad in his usually oversized sweaters and saggy pants. a black cap hid his fluffy dark hair and a white mask to cover his freezing nose.

"sorry to keep you waiting, little chennie," he softly and worryingly mumbled as he approached the latter. he feels bad for keeping his beloved in such a cold state.

"it's okay hyung, shall we go inside?"

minseok met his eyes, those beautiful eyes, with the most beautiful eyelashes. he feels his heart almost jump out of his chest. he gave him a small smile, although hidden by his own mask, he gently grabs jongdae's arm, urging him to come forward, even when he's not with him by the time he reached the end.

double meaning, but so and so, minseok reached for the door and opened the door for his beloved.

jongdae was unusually and awfully quiet as they approach the elevator to help them travel to minseok's own apartment. he was leaving kyungsoo's place with a surprisingly mild headache when the beloved rang him, saying that he needs to talk.

"where were you?" jongdae's voice was quiet, and minseok can technically invision jongdae's fiddling fingers and pursed lips. he doesn't look at jongdae, and just faced forward, pressing the elevator and gently stepping aside so jongdae and him can have the space between them. the space that minseok badly wants to get rid off.

"ah.." minseok faced forward, clenching his fists tightly. "kyungsoo forced me to buy him drinks so.. that's that," his voice was composed and minseok almost thanked his vocal stability. he better not fuck up. one lose thread and he'll crumble down. 

just like what he's feeling right now.

as the doors signal as closing, jongdae cleared his throat. "i just want to tell you something very important. a call wouldn't be anough since i want you to hear it from m personally," minseok wiped his tears that are overflowing from his brain. he's doing his very best not to stumble and sob his heart out the moment the set of words that he's starting to hate gets released from the lips of his beloved. his rose.

"i see.." he replied, feigning uninterest.

they walked to the hall where his apartment is. minseok is feeling ansty because he already knows what it is. he already knows either one of them cries, minseok doing so is much more heavier than the usually gleeful jongdae.

he opens his room. he can feel the innocent stare that jongdae is giving him. usually, he'll blush and grin and he'll usually tell a story or something by now, but right now, he feels as if his throat is stitched up.

he also feels like throwing up but that's not the time for that.

when minseok finally closed the door and jongdae is sure no one can hear him, he pulled minseok to a sofa. his posture tense and hands clammy

"so, i know it'll eventually happen. i know she's the one. so, i'm planning to propose to minji, and i wonder if you'll maybe want to be my best man."

minseok nodded in understanding, his eyes warming and his chest twisting painfully, if that was possible.

"you know i have spent my best years with her by my side and I think im ready to move unto phase 2, you know,"

he kept silent, because if he tries to speak, tears will fall, and so will his dignity. the man before him, who crumbled his walls, who brightens his days with his beautiful smile. he's the kindest guy he knows.

"i know it's an 80 percent chance she'll say yes so I'm already asking you to be my best man since, you're also a very important perzon in my life and i respext how you stay by my side along every decision i make. i want to make this decision with you in mind, because i always do," 

minseok felt numb. he can hear his own heart beat beating rapidly. he feels small and is unable to breathe.

"jongdae, stop, please,"

"what do you mean? are you not hearing my words clearly?"

"i just want this to be over.. please,"

"w-what?"

"i have been inlove with you for as long as i can remember. and this thing, you want me to do, is not very good for my well being, so i will kindly reject your offer—"

"wait—" 

"please let me finish, it's my selfishness talking. please let me be selfish for once in my life," he stared at his feet, avoiding to see the unexplainable reaction on jongdae's face, could it be sadness? anger? confusion? he doesn't wanna know.

"i know it's so sudden, but i clearly have no intention in letting you know, because i have no intention of giving it a nudge and letting myself hope that you and i, can be this," he shows his index and middle finger curled together, a sad smile on his face.

"all i care for is your happiness jongdae, and i just know, if you'll be with me, i can never give you the happiness that your beloved is giving you right now."

minseok has always been conscious and slightly insecure when it comes to jongdae. he hates having to fuck up when he's involved and yet, this might be just the biggest fuck up he'll ever do.

but if it's to save his heart from breaking more that it is currently right now, he'll choose to be selfish this time.

"if i confessed, you'll never meet her, and you'll never feel the happiness—"

"why would i need to feel the happiness i feel for her when i could have felt it from being with you?" jongdae suddenly stood up. fists clenched and eyebrows furrowed.

"you don't love me like that jongdae, you will never do," 

"how sure are you? how sure are you that i used to not think about you every single time possible, how sure are you that i never look for you whenever my eyes can't see where you are? how sure are you that i didn't think of you whenever i did things? how sure are you huh?"

"well look at yourself now, jongdae. does that make a difference? sure you used to. but do you still do? it's kinda unfair for your beloved if you do,"

"can you stop being so selfless every single fucking time?"

"yes i can, and that's why, this time. i'm choosing myself jongdae. i wouldn't even confess my hidden feelings if you hadn't told me that you wanted me to be your best man. if you hadn't, i'd simply not go at all. i need to have at least one reasonable idea to reject your offer, jongdae," 

"that's not even the issue. why are you willing to sacrifice a big thing such as this to avoid the inevitable?"

"to save myself from falling even deeper into this emotional baggage you have been giving me unconsciously for all the years we've spent together. yes, you're getting married, yes, you're going to have a family. i'm very happy for you. but does my real feelings really matter? my opinion won't stop everything from happening, as it should be,"

"i still can't believe you're telling me all of this just now,"

"i really hope that it doesn't affect your life, don't let it affect anything. i'll be enlisting in a month and i hope you get married whenever i'm unavailable so i can have a public and valid reason as to why i couldn't go,"

"hyung.."

"i'll protect you when things go wrong, but i know you don't need my help at all, but just know this: 

in another life, I'll make sure I'll be the woman or man— who cares— of your dreams, I'll wait for you or you can wait for me because you know we have each other's back.

it might not be in this timeline. or even in this universe, but i'm hoping that one of the other mes that exist somewhere out there, will finally make a person as beautiful, wise and talented as you, as theirs,"

he inches towards jongdae, who is standing in front of him, trying to suppress the tears from falling. minseok wipes his own.

he gives him a warm smile, before taking his cap off and giving him the warmest, sweetest forehead kiss he could give.

he poured his love too much, and encircled his arm around him, while the latter remained frozen.

"you're being really unfair right now," jongdae weakly whispers.

"don't doubt anything. don't let a puny opinion of mine change your mind, minji is a wonderful woman and she'll be a great companion as you grow old, go to her, and make love with her. show her how much you love her with all of your heart and soul. make my mistake be worth it," he whispered, his fists clenches tightly. it was an open and close closure between the two of them.

"i may not go to your wedding, but please go to my enlistment party. it might be a while for us to see eye to eyw again because i will dedicate my whole life and time period to our country. and for me to give you space with all the confusion i'm giving you,"

"you are my best friend, my brother, minseok hyung. i can't let you go like that. please stop doing this to me. i don't want to lose you," jongdae hiccups, tight fists clutching minseok's thick jacket, his shoulders trembling aggressively.

"you'll have him soon. just give him more time. okay?" 

it just might be the worst heartache that minseok will experience for a very long time. his longing will never be satisfied, and he might never endulge himself in the biggest love he had but the moments he shared with jongdae, the tiniest interactions and chats was worth it.

he'll be happy knowing that jongdae will have the family he deserves.

even if it's not xiuchen, it's xiu and chen.

he finally got his answer and that is, the greatest love he has for jongdae will always be enough. 

the joy he felt was enough.

it is enough.

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: @baksnadaks if you want me to you know.. cry with u bc same all of us needed this


End file.
